I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
