if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
