I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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