I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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