just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
