My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
