i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
