Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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