We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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