I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
