i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
