we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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