So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
