i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
