I think my vagina is haunted
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
