I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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