Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
