do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
