Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
