Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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