its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
