That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
