I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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