I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
