I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
