guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She's the barista slut.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
