I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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