I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
