ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
