Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
