There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
