Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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