She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
