On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
