dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
worst night to have a conscience
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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