My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
