I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
