i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
