Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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