Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
