He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
