Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
