everyone is single if you try hard enough
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
