The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
