Please, let me fuck your mom
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
