last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We are all done wearing pants today
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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