I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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