Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
