I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
