WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
