well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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