I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
