I think I won the penis lottery.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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