I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
