he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
